Stress or Procrastination

I am the self proclaimed queen of procrastination.  When googling procrastination there were 26.1 millions results, meaning I am not the only procrastinator out there.

I don’t know why I procrastinate. I don’t even know how many to-do lists I make yet don’t complete.  I found a quote from an article that I think pretty much sums it up:

“Procrastination is not a reflection of your attitude, work ethic, or competence. Procrastination is actually a behavior meant to help us cope with stress. Whatever we are putting off is linked to something that is stressing us. Naturally, if you’re stressed, you want to escape the stressor. So we do what makes sense, we try to avoid the stress and instead seek near-term satisfaction, or at least a distraction and refuge from the stress. It momentarily makes you feel good to avoid the stress.” –

The problem is the “near-term satisfaction” doesn’t actually accomplish what needs to be done meaning the stressor doesn’t actually go away.  I need to take a long hard look at myself and figure out what in my life needs to be done, and how to actually accomplish these things to bring more peace, and hopefully less stress to my life.


Food Anxiety

Tomorrow is my boss’s birthday – but with it being on a Friday he is taking it off, so he told us all yesterday that this morning he was going to everyone favorite bakery and bringing in doughnuts.

I am a sugar addict and I love doughnuts – particularly ones from a good bakery.  Knowing that these were coming in today was a serious source of anxiety.  People who are judgmental about those of us who battle our weight don’t realize is that it is an addiction, but unlike alcohol where you can quit cold turkey, you have to eat to survive.  Those doughnuts sitting there are like a recovering alcoholic going to a bar and just having water while everyone else is drinking.  Everyone (including my boss) keeps asking me if I got one.  There was cake at a my division managers birthday celebration a couple days ago and in the course of a few minutes three different people tried to hand me a piece of cake since I didn’t have one and I had to keep saying that I did not want one and then explain why not.  After watching the documentary on Netflix “Fed Up” I better understand why food brings so much anxiety – sugar is highly addictive.  The one point I remember is comparing sugar to cocaine.  They had 43 lab rats who were addicted to cocaine when given the choice to continue cocaine use or switch to sugar water, 40 picked sugar.  Here is an article from the Huffington Post that summarize the documentary: Fed Up Summary

Now the battle is – how to combat this addiction.  We sit in a cubical that is a quad (four desks, one is each corner) with open work areas at each end.  The doughnuts ended up between myself and a fellow coworker with the same struggles.  From this location I would just need to turn and reach to get one, I wouldn’t even need to stand up.  Both me and my coworker started together on Tuesday, so this is only day 3 for us. We relocated them across the isle to our other coworkers desks.


Knowing in advance there would be a serious temptation and source of anxiety – I stopped by the grocery store this morning and got fruit for us to give us a healthy sweet treat with natural vs added sugar.


The doughnuts siting just a few feet away continue to serve as a massive temptations (which we have resisted – way easier to do so with two of us) and a source of anxiety.  We know if we eat one, we will want two, whereas the fruit was a nice morning treat but we had our serving and moved on.  Going to continue this battle, one day at a time.


Health & Fitness

For about the 500th time, I decided that today is “Day 1” of trying to lose the weight.  I was talking to a co-worker about various website we have used over the years and he mentioned Spark People, which I had used several years ago.  Out of curiosity I logged in to my account and saw an about me section and a blog post titled “Day 1” dated July 16, 2012.  Out of curiosity I read what I wrote all those years ago and was shocked – nothing has changed in five years.  Same job, same weight (as in <1 lb difference – I guess it is a positive that I haven’t gained weight), same relationship/kids status, I live in the same house, same ratio of animals (I did lose my 13-year old black lab last year, but have a 2-year old yellow lab now) and even the same hobby.

If I don’t want to look back in another five years and be like – wow – my life is the exact same – I need to do something.  If there was ever a wake-up call to stop being complacent in life, this is it.

About me from 5 years ago (I am now 36 vs 31)

Hello! I am a single 31 year old female living in Illinois. Most of my time is spent either at work or pursuing my favorite pastime – photography.  During the day I have a desk job – with food everywhere and it is very sedentary. During the evening – when I am not taking pictures I am on the computer editing, updating my blog/Flickr/Website accounts or getting ready for a fair or art show. I need to lose weight and get back into shape – for my health and to be a better photographer. The better shape I am the longer and further I can go to get the best images.

My Goals:
I have a lot of weight to lose – over 100 lbs. I am going to take this 28 lbs at a time (10 – 20 – 30 – 40% weight loss).
Starting Weight: 278
Goal 1: 10% or 28 lbs loss or 250 lbs
Goal 2: 20% or 56 lbs loss or 222 lbs
Goal 3: 30% or 84 lbs loss or 194 lbs
Goal 4: 40% or 112 lbs loss or 166 lbs

My Program:
I am going to eat healthy with lots of lean proteins, whole grains, low-fat dairy, fruits and vegetables. I believe doing this is sustainable vs. fad diets.

Personal Information:
I am a 31 years old female from central Illinois – I live on a farm!
I am single, with no kids, but do have a Cat and Dog who are my furry children
I have my BS in Industrial Engineering and my MBA in Marketing and currently work in a Marketing position.
I love photography; it is how I spend most of my spare time.

Blog post from 5 years ago:

I think everyone can relate to this, whether it is I am starting my diet on Monday, January 1 or 2, or after another major event – we have all had our fair share of “Day 1”. My whole life I have been off and on of so many diets, gained and lost so much weight, I have to wonder, will this time be different? Am I in a different place in life where I can stick with it and be successful? In all my years of dieting I have never reached my goal weight, let alone kept it off. I have had way too many battle plans and major events / vacations to lose weight for to count – and I have never been successful. I have to figure out this time – what I have to do and what I have to change about myself to be successful.

Currently I am not quite at my heaviest, but darn close. As of this morning I weighed in at 278. I am a 5’ 8” female with a large frame – so needless to say I am fat. Some same the “F” word is a dirty word, and we should not use it – but come on people – let’s just state the obvious. At 100 lbs overweight, there is no polite way to say it – I am fat.

Why do I want to lose weight – well there are many reasons (besides the obvious health reasons).

  1. Shopping – I am 5’8” and all legs/arms – which means in the world of women’s clothing I need longs (34” inseam).  Have you ever tried to by long or tall length pants or shirts in plus sizes? Levi’s caries longs up to a size 16 – but I you are 18 or larger – forget about it.  This happens all the time.  I would love to have dress pants that are not Old Navy or Lane Bryant that come in my size and length.
  2. Photography – this may seem a bit odd, but climbing up and down stairs, hiking, squatting and getting into different positions to get the best shots is harder the heavier you are.
  3. Social Life – Dating is not fun when you are continually self-conscience of your appearance.  Enough said for this one.